Girl, you are so delightful, cheerful, and bright, you can make Batman rent an apartment and abandon his cave!, Theres something wrong with my bed. Luke. Well, the second blonde chimed in, Theres usually three of us, but the girl that plants the trees called out sick.. Snow. Read on to discover the best clean jokes that promise a whole lot of giggles for both adults and kids alike.. 101 Clean Jokes. Can I just have yours? The first time I went to stay with her at her parents' house her dad wouldn't let us sleep together. Pauline, who? Get well soon. Her: Its not working out between us. Q: What did the artist say to his girlfriend? Luke into my eyes and tell me that you love me. It is said that in the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the wife listens. These sick jokes really are sick! I lost Interest in that relationship. When I am with you, I feel the whole zoo. How did the hamburger introduce his girlfriend ? You just take my breath away. Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9! During the second year of the marriage, the wife speaks and the husband listens. Q: Why is a girlfriend like a laxative? The thief was spending less then his girlfriend. Well she's in for a shock. (function(){window.mc4wp=window.mc4wp||{listeners:[],forms:{on:function(evt,cb){window.mc4wp.listeners.push({event:evt,callback:cb});}}}})(); Drier than a jokes for when words fail you, Got a big head? Q: What do you call a girlfriend with an opinion? You must be an interior decorator because when you walked in the room was suddenly beautiful and perfect! It was the hardest dump I ever took. Love is like having to pass gas. in the microwave have in common? She said something just wasnt adding up. Love is a very complex matter of chemistry. Can I crash at your place tonight? Then she told me to take off her skirt so I did. It is not strange to see strangers of the opposite gender strike a deep connection for the first time by discussing sensitive topics. Funniest Girlfriend Jokes My girlfriend borrowed $100 from me. Wanda, who? Yes, it is February 14th. are But I laugh more. 21. From classic dad jokes to flirtatious puns and dirty innuendos, theres a joke out there for everyone. Q: What does fucking your girlfriend and cooking an egg After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence. I felt pretty sick after drinking milk with cream. Always walking around like they rent the place. I promise you that I will give it back. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I pass by you again?, My doc said that I can never have arrhythmia. Is that how many men youve slept with?, I asked. After 3years, when we separated, she returned exactly $100. 7. I think you might be suffering from a lack of vitamin me. "thespacebuttonisbrokenonmylaptop.canyougivemeanalternative" Whilst sniffling and coughing and rolling around in the hotel bed, I realised I needed medical attention, so I called the concierge to get help. Cool guy, wants to be a web designer. 35. Below is a list of 80 corny love jokes, puns, and funny flirty knock-knock jokes. Knock, knock. Whos there? Get well soon honey. They make me see-sick.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[580,400],'laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_14',664,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0'); A family gathers around their father who is very old and sick. boyfriends paycheck!. Q: What do you call the daughter of a hamburger? Okay, go!. A: Your Girlfriend. 10. How about doing some community work by sparing some space for the needy? I hope she gets the message that we aren't working out. (Girl why?) Love is not having to hold in your gas anymore. We've compiled a list of the most adorable jokes to tell your boyfriend. My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we My girlfriend doesn't care. Knock, knock. How did the phone propose to his girlfriend? 38. Cool guy. 42. There were two antennas who met on a roof and they fell in love and decided to get married. You don't need keys to drive me crazy. Snow use, I just cant stop thinking about you. Add a Comment. 26. 20. I don't know what she's doing in there, but it gives me lots of time to jerk off to Chris Pratt. ", "thespacebuttonisbrokenonmylaptop.canyougivemeanalternative". My girlfriend's parents called me a disgusting creep just because I am 36 and she is 24 She met my parents, brought me dinner and called me honey. Because Eiffel for you. 34. A husband was looking at himself in the mirror and asked his wife, will you still love me when I am old, fat, and bald? She replied, I do.. Whos there? Lets move in together!, One day, a husband told his wife that her rear end was getting so big that it was as big as their grill. Knock, knock. My girlfriend borrowed $100 from me. Leena, who? Which is a shame because he is very attractive. Q: Why is life like a penis? I told her not to get her hopes up. A man and women were getting married in a courthouse. EDIT: I know this is a repost but what do you expect? What did the leper say to the sex worker? Here are some jokes for you. Knock, knock. My girlfriend said, "You act like a detective too much. My girlfriend broke up with me when she found out I only had 9 toes. My girlfriend asked me to name Oh wait, she's back. Amish, who? She screamed at me, I'm your dietitian". Are you from Tennessee? Did you hear about the virus that made all the teachers sick? So I made her marry an old guy she's never met to secure an alliance with the French. My name, my address, my phone number, My girlfriend and I had a fight and she asked me for distance and time, She knew I was the one on the phone! My girlfriend is fed up of my constant wordplay jokes, so I asked her, "How can I stop my addiction?" She replies, Its me talking to the wine.. Because he is a keeper. She isn't sick, I just think she can get better. We use cookies to make wikiHow great. Because love means nothing to them. 33. Youre single. I'm no mathematician, but I'm pretty good with numbers. It Dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, BATMAN. I wish I could post this on any other thread. houston methodist willowbrook cafeteria menu; disadvantages of minimally invasive heart surgery 20. What is the main difference between love and marriage? Anita. I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early. Weirdly, I've been taking some anti-impotence medication for my sunburn. The first time I was at their house, her dad told me we werent allowed to sleep together. I said "No, wait! Not a problem, well send our very own hotel doctor up to your room right away!. Yesterday my brother uploaded a status on Facebook. I love that our effortless friendship fits perfectly with my laziness. He says, Daughter, are you here? A: A: Guinevere. Whos there? (Or when Facebook and Instagram are down.). Q: Why didnt the man report his stolen credit card? washing machine? My girlfriend asked me to name all the women I've slept with. Call her on the phone. Whos there? A: A Yesterday, for Valentines Day, I got my girlfriend some new beads for her abacus. It was love at first bite! And most of all, it is important that these two women never meet. I wanted her to be prepared for the Wurst. She said, "Is that you or the beer talking?" This is /r/jokes. As they were leaving the courtroom, the bride said to the groom, Isnt it nice to be here when were not being convicted of something?. Q: Whats worse than a male chauvinistic pig? Norma Lee. Trending Stories My girlfriend thinks I'm cheating on her, and I'm getting tired of it. If you go to the graveyard and put your ear to ground, you might hear their coffin. If I have to explain the Latin term ad nauseum one more time. Knock, knock. What is the ideal marriage? I would tell you a joke about my girlfriend. When your girlfriend comes home in a white suit, covered in bee stings and smelling like honey. She's just a "waitress" and she was just "doing her job". 48. on her period and has GPS? I miss hanging out with you, so you should get well soon now. Then she told me to never wear her things again. A second good shirt. I probably should've stopped when I got to her. I said, "It's me talking to the beer.". I wish I could post this in another subreddit. A: Vel-crows. If you are nice, you can call me sweetie. Knock, knock. The first time I went to stay with her at her parents' house her dad wouldn't let us sleep together. You are like my dentures. 2. I dont know your name yet, but it must be Wi-Fi because I am feeling such a strong connection here. existence and only talks to me when she needs something. Knock, knock. you are astounding me. So I added fruit and lemonade to it and now shes sangria than ever. Are you interested in a little row-mance? Bigamy is having one wife too many, but monogamy is the same. It turns out there really is a secret to a happy relationship. It just made her more upset. Q: Whats the difference between a girlfriend with PMS So I added some Sprite and oranges to it and now shes sangria then ever. But I knew shed come crawling back to me. I love you berry much." 2 "What did the magnet say to the fridge? Don't be afraid to get a little sappy . I think Im Pauline in love with you. Girlfriend Jokes 9. But for the life of me, I don't know how to tell her. A: A $100 bill. Hold onto your nuts, this ain't no ordinary blow job. Iguana, who? My girlfriend said you act like a detective too much. She said something about 'waiting until they're born', She said, "Is that you or the beer talking? Pauline. A: So your 50K views, 259 likes, 10 loves, 511 comments, 68 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Dr. Phil: He Eats a Raw Animal Meat Diet #rawmeat #DrPhil #talkshow Mary. I just need to work out if thats my wife or my girlfriend. John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. Whos there? What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? The first blonde dug a hole, and the second one filled the dirt right back in. Ben, who? 3. Our dates can be summarized as followed: Apparently it's harsh to say to a cancer patient. An older husband and wife were sitting together at home when a fairy appeared before them and offered to grant each of them a wish. He fell in love with a pincushion. Then it was the husbands turn to make a wish. Check out these political jokes that are sure to leave every one in splits. Why dont I make the same amount of money as my male co-workers?. My girlfriend accused me of cheating. Ideas for the top 49 girlfriend jokes come from the following sources. My girlfriend left me because Im insecure. Me: "Okay. Aldo. How did the telephone propose to its girlfriend? gooey mess to clean up. My girlfriend screamed at me today. Best. My girlfriends dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by Iguana love you forever and always. I love, who? 24. When a man goes and steals your wife, the best revenge that you can have is to let him keep her. So the fairy waved her wand and granted his wish. After 2 minutes, all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence. What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree? His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health. My girlfriend's parents are very religious Candice. My girlfriend is leaving me saying I am not American enough. Oh, man! She told me I sound just like her husband. Whats the name of Mr. Ts girlfriend? An archaeologist is definitely the best husband a woman could ever have. I'm 36, and last night when I was out with my 19 year old girlfriend someone yelled "Paedophile!" My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset. Whos there? {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/c\/c0\/13004804-1.jpg\/v4-460px-13004804-1.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/c\/c0\/13004804-1.jpg\/v4-728px-13004804-1.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":728,"bigHeight":546,"licensing":"