( the partner of unemployed wife usually has less problem. This will prevent a world of problems for you later. So it appears at least, that the only group who benefited from this..are the MEN. Im glad I didnt listen and continued going on interviews and performing odd jobs for people just to keep busy. I know this may sound terrible, but after struggling for six years with a boyfriend who lacked ambition, drive, and frankly is extremely lazy I finally got the courage to let him go. I was able to talk to him about going to a doctor to sort out his mental issues. One night I went out with some girlfriends and came home late, he had been drinking and beat me up when I got home. Being unemployed and not driving sucks. Hes amazing with me- caring- loving- sweet but his dark side is scary. I have always handed over every penny I have worked for and he still only pays the bills when he really has too. He was so angry with me. My boyfriend refuses to work. Ms. Y (not her real name) came in the other day and said, My husband has been unemployed for over two years. He created a spreadsheet to track every cent we spend, and exactly how much we have at any given time. My partner has been unemployed for almost a year. Tony Blair won't do housework, but Boris Johnson will do press-ups Its true that this is a bad time for men. Its been non stop complaints of how tired he is from having to wake up to take me to work and then pick me up later. I feel the other issue is just not being able to speak to anyone, because I dont want to come across as a selfish bi**h who isnt supporting her fianc as I should. The last three shes totaled about 3 months of work. Having to quit activities coz u cant spare the money even tho u work like Demon. three days later he gets an in person interview for a software job. It is a terribly helpless position. I just had enough! Its always that hes either under qualified, or overqualified. Its F*cking ridiculous. The other half of the problem is his depression. I can tell you what has worked for us, but I was also excited to research your question and get more advice from people who study these issues for a living. Ive been homeless twice because of this which is extremely depressing because Ive always worked two jobs. I often think I should have left him early on, before kids, but how did I know? She promised me that it was something she could do and would finish. ..hes the lazy jerk not you. Hope you will have some good news to share soon. I built myself into a career and have a very supportive work environment. I cannot be his world, I cannot be his sole source of good self esteem, I cannot listen to the constant complaining. A Woman Has Been Charged for Allegedly Taking Abortion Pills. First, I am going to suggest counseling for you, make sure the therapist is using Mindfulness or DBT techniques. I am working full time now on maternity leave. All rights reserved. I left because I was driving 40 miles a day for a part-time job, and found a job closer to home- that also offered better pay. I try talking to him so i can understand how he can choose to put all that effort into a female who meant nothing instead of fixing himself then his family. Which he logically interpreted as I dont want to hear what he has to say about anything. heres an idea dump the boyfriend and stay single. My mom was so happy that at least one of us were married (I did not get married until 6 years afterward). But all I really feel is resentful. Now I know that you MUST ask details BEFORE you marry anyone). These are not easy questions, and the answers are not any easier. I was even willing to work at a gentlemens club as a hostess (they usually take any young female with a pretty face), but as I passed the idea to my boyfriend he was not happy. Knowing that the pressure was on and not wanting to put that on her, I succeeded in finding higher and higher paying jobs to cover for her loss. There has to be some movement in life other than: quitting drinking which he has done. This is farther reaching than just working to contribute towards a higher standard of living. If it helps, download a habit tracker app so you can monitor your progress. She said: "Robert asked me to be less condescending. He claims he applies for work but I doubt that. I have always picked up slightly more of the domestic tasks like cooking and cleaning, and the clear majority of household emotional labor and decision-making falls to me in a way that unfortunately makes me feel like Im the house manager. I dont care because I cant take it with me when I go. We never got to shed the responsibility of homemaker. Anyhow, I am SOO frustrated with the sight of him sitting ALL day on that computer I feel like I am married to a fixture in this house. He has applied for a handful of jobs in that time, he has really good experience but nothing has come of it. I am just the opposite and younger than him but really hardworking. She appears to have broken off her engagement and is spending a lot of time with Tyga. Women are taking the lead while men stay curled up in bed shaking. Hard when you have barely enough money to feed yourself, let alone another. Yep, Im that stupid. Some people try to play the responsible person but cant keep it going because deep inside they feel entitled to come and go from a job as they please because mom or dad or another girl will catch him and play house with him. I dont know whether thats ever going to happen. But, even before the economy sunk so low, I constantly heard when business picks up, when business picks up. Always struggling, and its almost like he is comfortable with being poor. I want to watch tv to escape. Im just tired of being the Proverbs 31 woman. As though that gives her permission to quit! I asked him once if we divorce, what is he going to do ? plays video games, watches movies, youtubes, and plays with his cat. One of the interviewers said to me, You have a masters degree and you want to serve me coffee? He needs to step the fuck up. You have two choices. To her husband, she was extremely supportive and tactful. Why My Husband Comes From Work And Does Nothing - Sufili My main problem was acceptance that I had a chronic pain and working around that. The only thing I can say in his defense is that he takes the trash out though not until its overflowing. There are certain jobs he wont do, wont supply for minimum wage jobs etc. So before any of that happens if I leave he may be able to find a roommate or petition his financial aid. So. Im right there with u sister : ( Im exhausted. He was a purchasing manager, has a college degree, 25 years experience, long term in jobs- was in his last job for 12 years. Its been said, at length, that there is empathy and understanding for the person that is unemployed. But helping your partner bear the emotional labor load will not only enhance their satisfaction in the relationship, but yours as well.. He tried running his own mechanic business but didnt work out because his brother is not reliable and skipped town on him and took his tools. Its sad and pathetic to me. But thank you for reminding me to hold on to God. People never want to seem to help you get to or from an interview, but at the same time seem to take great pleasure in kicking you while you are down. I used to always be happy til he came into my life. It seems youre making it on your own anyway. What makes it worst is when he was homeless he was focused and doing what he needed to do. Ladies if your man wont get off his ass and DO something anything! Now that theres a catch-all phrase for this work, spouses wives in particular are more prone to talk about it. Now he told our 10 year old daughter that I should be working harder when he has been unwilling to look at any job that isnt THE perfect job. He plans on being a full time student, but I on the other hand would be part-time student and work part-time or full-time. Go ahead, sit on the sidelines snd advise us to kick him to the curb. I am so torn and feel so unhappy. Two thirds of my wage is spent on existing (rent, bills, food and travel) the rest I dont feel I can spend on myself as Im always thinking about next months costs. Be patient, be supportive., I think to myself, Me, be patient? I am very sad and dont know what to do with him. When a person works a full-time job and their partner does not - Quora Its what I did and I make a decent salary (the only thing keeping us afloat right now). Then, whatever your partner does, give them kudos and keep letting go.. Unemployed men: how female partners suffer. I do not have a degree and worked in office administration, plus I was in my 50s at that point so my prospects were grim. I then found I was the sole income into the family and thought ok this wont be for long. my husband refuses to work.he uses health as an excuse,but he was doing this before! My children use to love him but cant stand the sight of him now. Oh yeah, I work at home on the computer all day. Hes a slacker and useless and doesnt help around the house and he drives me crazy. I am very close with the kids (ages 11 to 16), and take care to prioritize their needs. Then he tells me he is in a crisis because he doesnt know what he wants to do with his life! First of all even menial jobs are tough to come across these days- I mean I have a degree in engineering and cant even get hired on at Wal Mart- I guess they know that I am only looking for somehting temporary with them until I can find something financially stable for me and my family for a long time. The root of the problem is an over abundance of average and mediocre people who have nothing particularly special about them. If they discuss this, they can develop a plan such as having him do the dishes since this isnt his priority. Your partner really needs support. Wheres my support! Then he expects sex every day and I dont have the energy for it. And dont think he cannot do more damage. I gave up the 1 parking spot we have even though my car (mine fully paid for) is nicer, buy 9/10 of the groceries, cook ALL the food (seriously) 4-5 times a week. Neither have worked. Just read your post and it sounds like me!!! Your pissed stay pissed and move it to the next level. He takes good care of our kids (really good care)and I have peace of mind when I leave the house in the mornings. I also had not sold my home in the UK due to the financial crash so still had one leg there. I had the opportunity to advance at work. I am beginning to regret marrying him and I dont know how long more I can put up with this.but I guess we dont have a choice but to just march on and hope for the best, (not in a bad way)but I am so happy to know I am not the only one.i feel so alone and so hurt and cry most of the time.when I met him we both were not working but was financially well off till reality hit with having our first child and I got my ass to work.Everyday Monday to Sunday just enough to buy nappies and 4 years into this he lays around at home watching tv and doing nothing.ill come home and he would want neer or when the lights are out he calls me to sort it out.he helps around with our son but honestly I feel like Im sucking into this deep depression having to take and the household.my family doesnt know as many occasions they warned me even his own mother wants me to leave him and Ive considered it so many times.just what will happen to my son as I work even nights to stay afloat at home.who will take care of himreally sad and lonely as I am writing this,his busy sleeping til I have to head to work. My husband has been in and out of jobs since I been with him and my mother always told me something was not right because of this, but I would always defend the fact that he would come across so much bad luck and how he is smart he has a degree he is an ex football player we will be okay but it just never did. something I dont have. What a huge mistake. Despite coming close, I have not yet secured a FT job, for no lack of trying. Im at my wits end. How am I going to afford a poor little baby? We lived on an island, so he constantly needed to take trips to the city to finish various things like a background check, psychological evaluation, written exams, and interviews. He has nowhere to go anymore and he literally has only what I give him. How long do we sacrifice ourselves? I really resent myself. My husband has been unemployed for 18 months. Jessica, I hope to god you helped yourself. We both quit our jobs to move. i probably would love to have an affair just to get away from this crap for just a few minutes. We were struggling BEFORE my husband was laid off.He chose to drink,surf the internet (which my kids need to complete schoolwork and lie on the couch. If you get your communication right, your partner will respond with empathy and compassion.. Im tired and stressed and need soemthing more than just love. My question to all the peoplesmens and womens that is job and money is the only thing? Miraculously, we have no debt other than our car loans which we are able to pay each month. It has been 11 years and it still hurts every day. Do you want your sons and/or daughters to grow up this way? My live-in boyfriend has been unemployed for two years, so I totally understand where many of you are coming from. Now I lost my job and she knew exactly what she needed to do while I try to find one. The end result is the same, your partner being rejected yet again and you blaming them and them blaming themselves. If it even looks like its breached by your man, get the hell out. Feeling animosity toward your partner because you choose to support them but proceeding to guilt them for it is no help for anyone involved. The only thing holding me back is my daughter and his relationship and WTF WOULD HE GO?!
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